Big question: Are you working toward loving yourself in the messy mixture of who you are? Aware of how you long to be (more patient, more productive, kinder, more assertive, more successful, more confident, thinner, funnier, or?) and also aware of the gap between that ideal self and who you are now… can you look into your own eyes with compassion and say,

“Hello human, you’re worth loving, right now”?

Accepting ourselves as we are right here and now is a challenging task for all of us, but you are so worth it. “Perfect” is a fantasy that keeps us disconnected from ourselves and others. Perfect is an ideal. Perfect is an idea.

Perfect is not real.

The beautiful thing about being human is our vulnerability. We long for things and we have limits, and we keep trying and loving and living as best we can.

Today, let’s be aware of that old, ingrained impulse telling us to wait until we are more (fill in the blank) before we show up and dive wholeheartedly into our lives. You do not need to wait until you are more what you want to become, or more what (you think) others want you to be, or until you are further along on your journey before letting yourself live fully and connect deeply.

Even though it feels risky to take the chance of showing up as the real, messy human you are, and you might fear others will reject you, that is a risk you really want to take. Hiding yourself keeps you behind a facade, alone and unknown. And you cannot actually control what others think about you or what they feel toward you anyway. If you try to change or present yourself in ways that (you think) others will like or approve of, you do not get their genuine liking or approval, only your facade does…

Let the spike of unrest that signals your vulnerability become your best friend. Embrace unrest. Tune in to the tension and agitation that stir when you risk showing up as your real self.

When you soothe your body you can experience your inner truth and become more authentic. You can let go of the inner judge, the one who curates your behavior and your words. You can open your heart to be touched by others, and let yourself feel what you feel without editing and critiquing and imagining what will others think… and be who you are.

My new book, Embracing Unrest (coming out October 18th, 2022) is filled with practical guidance and engaging stories to help you harness vulnerability to connect with others as the beautiful, flawed, real human you are.

Pre-order now and receive a gift!

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Embracing Unrest

I’m excited to announce my first book has a launch date! Out October 18th, 2022, Embracing Unrest: Harness Vulnerability to Tame Anxiety and Spark Growth answers the question: why is it so hard to “be here”?

View my “Embracing Unrest” column on Psychology Today!