Coming Home: Embodiment as Your Path to Calm and Confidence

Being human is vulnerable, and when you are face to face with the gap between what you long for and what you can single-handedly make happen, unrest stirs. Vulnerability is the fact of uncertainty and limits, and unrest is what that feels like. Unrest is a brilliant internal signal letting you know that “this” is the optimal moment to pay inner attention. If you come home to your body and soothe it with warm attention you open to adaptive emotion and access your deepest resources for growth.

Your body is an intelligent organism with information and energy to help you live your best life. Perceiving what your body feels inside (also called “interoception” – the perception of your inner state) is a skill we can all develop with practice.

Step one is recognize how hard it is to tune in when you feel discomfort! You’re going against wired-in tendencies to avoid what doesn’t feel good. You deserve huge credit for embarking on this path.

Step two is notice where in your body you feel tension and agitation. Bring warm interest and non-judgment as you notice – you’re not trying to fix or change anything – you want to accompany the discomfort. Your inner attention is the medicine your body is looking for.

Step three is slow down. Really slow down and feel what the feelings feel like with such precision that you can put words to the sensations. Ask yourself “What does the tension feel like?” “This tension feels like a vise-grip around my ribs.” Say the answer in your mind to your body, like you are checking in with it to see if you got it right. Stay with that for a moment and then ask again, “And what does that vise-grip feel like?” “It’s like I’m encased in concrete.” Feel that and ask the question again: “And what does that feel like?” Keep asking until you sense a shift. You will notice (if you don’t skitter off into stories and worries) that your body lets go a bit. That is success!!

Step four is acknowledge that shift. This is hard to do – so many other things seem more important than paying attention to yourself when you are stirred with unrest. If you don’t give yourself a pat on the back your hard work will be for nothing. That little release is your body saying to you that it understands there’s no immediate threat to life and limb, and you are safe to feel. You are home!

Step five is open to whatever feelings want to arise. You’re faced with uncertainty and limits, the truth of your human vulnerability, and you may feel a protest rise, and then a surrender: anger and then sadness. Let the feelings pass through you like waves. There’s nothing to do but ride the waves as they crest and stay with them until they ebb.

Step six is rest at the end of the wave. You have come to a still place where you accept things as they are. You may not like the uncertainty or limits, but you are no longer wasting your energy in an argument with reality. You can say “It is what it is.” You feel a sense of coming to terms.

That is resilience borne of embodiment in moments of vulnerability. You can bear the truth and not implode or explode or detach or escape yourself. You are home and you are present, and you can be more yourself. Resilient, authentic, and connected. Welcome home!


Really Big News! My book is available for pre-order NOW!!



Embracing Unrest comes out on October 18th and if you pre-order now you’ll receive some useful tools and information to help you embrace unrest and harness vulnerability to grow.

Pre-orders are a really big deal. Who knew?? Pre-ordering sends a message to Amazon that there’s lots of interest in the book, helping to boost it up the rankings. These algorithms are hugely important in getting a book into bestseller-land. I believe everyone deserves to know they have a brilliant internal signal meant to help them grow and has a right to know how to tune in to benefit from the wisdom within.

If you plan to buy the book it will make a world of difference if you order now. And when you pre-order I’ll send you a self-assessment quiz to help you get a sense of how aware you are of unrest and how you relate to yourself in those moments of vulnerability. Along with those insights, you will receive a step-by-step guide to embracing unrest and tips for knowing that you are on track.

All you have to do is go to my website and click the button for pre-order.

Then take a screenshot of your paid invoice and email it to me.

Thank you for your support!

More Praise for Embracing Unrest: Endorsement from Rick Hanson

I am blown away and so grateful – he is a hero to me and I am thrilled to have his endorsement of Embracing Unrest!

“This deeply touching and beautifully written book shows us how to bring acceptance and tender support to every part of ourselves, for healing and happiness and love. Grounded in science, endlessly practical and effective, and full of inspiring stories, it’s a gem.”

Rick Hanson, Ph.D | New York Times bestselling author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness & Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence 

How comfortable are you in your skin when you are not comfortable?
It is really hard to do. Let me help you.

Recent Blog Posts:

Embracing Unrest

I’m excited to announce my first book has a launch date! Out October 18th, 2022, Embracing Unrest: Harness Vulnerability to Tame Anxiety and Spark Growth answers the question: why is it so hard to “be here”?

View my “Embracing Unrest” column on Psychology Today!