This being human gig is not easy. We want things – all sorts of things – and we want them to be a certain way. We want things to change in the world, we want things to be the way we want them in our relationships. We want things for ourselves, for the planet, for each other.

And we have limits to our single-handed ability to ensure that what we want happens when we want and how we want, or even if it happens at all.

You are a beautiful human with both longing and limits. Don’t let anyone tell you the problem is with your longing. Your longing is a beautiful force pulling you forward into this world. Not caring is not an option for healthy people.

And don’t let anyone tell you the problem is in having limits. Limits are built into being alive. Denying limits is a form of fantasy, as though just wanting something enough will magically make it manifest. And things do not work that way.

Longing and limits are the brave human journey of growing consciousness.

But longing meeting limits is the definition of vulnerability. And vulnerability does not feel good. The more you want something to happen, the harder it is to accept that you do not have ultimate control over when or how or even whether it will happen. We are tempted in that moment of realization to shame ourselves for wanting it or shame ourselves for not being able to make it happen.

Of course we don’t have ultimate control. But when we face and feel both our longing and our limits to control, when we come home to the body in that moment instead of numbing out or running away into worry movies or distracting behaviors, we discover we matter. We are enough. We matter in our matter.

And then everything can matter.

We can adapt to reality without giving up. We can give our gifts and persist without rejecting ourselves in our limits. Even though we cannot bend reality to our will, we can be here fully, alive in heart and mind and body. Not easy, but you are so worth it.

Recent Blog Posts:

Embracing Unrest

I’m excited to announce my first book has a launch date! Out October 18th, 2022, Embracing Unrest: Harness Vulnerability to Tame Anxiety and Spark Growth answers the question: why is it so hard to “be here”?

View my “Embracing Unrest” column on Psychology Today!