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This being human gig is not easy. We want things -

This being human gig is not easy. We want things - all sorts of things - and we want them to be a certain way. We want things to change in the world, we want things to be the way we want them in our relationships. We want things for ourselves, for the planet, for each other.

And we have limits to our single-handed ability to ensure that what we want happens when we want and how we want, or even if it happens at all.

You are a beautiful human with both longing and limits. Don’t let anyone tell you the problem is with your longing. Your longing is a beautiful force pulling you forward into this world. Not caring is not an option for healthy people.

And don’t let anyone tell you the problem is in having limits. Limits are built into being alive. Denying limits is a form of fantasy, as though just wanting something enough will magically make it manifest. And things do not work that way.

Longing and limits are the brave human journey of growing consciousness.

But longing meeting limits is the definition of vulnerability. And vulnerability does not feel good.

Of course we don’t have ultimate control. But when we face and feel both our longing and our limits to control, when we come home to the body in that moment instead of numbing out or running away into worry movies or distracting behaviors, we discover we matter. We are enough. We matter in our matter.

And then everything can matter. We can adapt to reality without giving up. We can give our gifts and persist without rejecting ourselves in our limits. Even though we cannot bend reality to our will, we can be here fully, alive in heart and mind and body. Not easy, but you are so worth it.

#drsandraparker #mentalhealth #stress #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #growth #learning #reflection #selfreflection #selfhelp #embraceunrest #disconnection #turninward #letgoofcontrol #limitstocontrol #reality #beinghuman #audiogram

Sometimes it’s hard for people to appreciate how

Sometimes it’s hard for people to appreciate how brave it is to feel. Feelings arise in us. They simply are our organismic reactions to incoming stimuli. We do not make or cause our emotional reactions to things, they simply are what they are.

Although we don’t have a choice about what we feel, we do have choices as to what we want to do about our emotional reactions. We can choose how we will be toward ourselves in those moments, for example kind, or critical. We can decide how to express the emotion or even whether to express it. But the feelings themselves just are what they are. The feelings rise and a heavy pressure pulls on your sternum. You breathe into the feeling as it crests and then ebbs, and you find a space inside yourself where you matter.

So yes, do feel it all. But also, be kind to yourself in that, because feeling is tender and vulnerable and you are not the boss of that feelings that rises in you. You are the one who can make yourself feel safe enough, loved enough, worthy enough, to be allowed to feel it all. You are capable of giving yourself patience and compassion, and more able to ask for help.

Read my June newsletter to learn more about feeling into it all while accepting your limits and harnessing your vulnerability to grow. Link in bio.

#drsandraparker #embracingunrest #harnessvulnerability #tameanxiety #sparkgrowth #vulnerability #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #stress #depressed #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #authenticity #connection #intimacy #selfcompassion #compassion #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #emotional #mindbody #mindbodyandsoul #mentalwellness

Neuroplasticity is an amazing growth pathway. Your

Neuroplasticity is an amazing growth pathway. Your brain can literally rewire itself. That is pretty incredible. But even more incredible is that you can become an active co-creator of your inner growth. If you know what to look for you can tune in and help the process along. Unrest is the signal you want to look for, understand, and soothe so you can grow.

The path to growth requires your presence. Moments of vulnerability are among our greatest opportunities for growth. Unrest is your best friend because it highlights the precise moment for you to tune in and pay attention. When you take enough time to feel into experiences of vulnerability in your body and then slow down to reflect on what you feel, your brain wakes up and runs new connections to help you live differently.

Growth arises out of experiences. But it is not enough to just experience something to grow - we must also take time to feel the experience in our bodies and then we need to reflect upon what we experience by paying attention. We need to bring compassionate awareness to our inner felt experience to activate and transform neural pathways in the brain.

Tune in to unrest - the tightening of your muscles and the shortening of your breath and the speediness of your energy - and know it is not danger. Know it is your call to growth. Soothe your body and feel the truth of emotion and become more fully alive.

#drsandraparker #vulnerability #mentalhealth #stress #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #growth #learning #reflection #selfreflection #selfhelp #embraceunrest #insightsvsgrowth #pathtogrowth #vulnerability #harnessvulnerability #newconnections #sparkgrowth

We all share the same predicament: we are vulnerab

We all share the same predicament: we are vulnerable. There are forces outside of our will and desire and effort that influence how and when and whether something we want will happen.

When faced with vulnerability your body signals with an uncomfortable feeling that feels like danger. That feeling is unrest. Your brain misinterprets the jolt of unrest and you have the urge to escape your inner life.

This shift is so subtle and so innate that, before you realize you were triggered, you are already gone.

What escaping looks like is different for each of us. There are more ways to leave home than we can imagine. Distracting, avoiding, busying, eating, drinking, shopping, cleaning, helping, worrying, planning, trying to control, shutting down, making jokes, changing the subject, analyzing, detaching… the list goes on and on and on…

Let’s say you have to have a difficult conversation with someone you care about. Do you:

Busy yourself on your social media feed. Wait, it's 8 pm?
Have a glass of wine (or two).
Decide you have to go for a run, right now!
You face plant in the ice cream. Rocky road, anyone?

How do you escape yourself when you are faced with the truth of your limits?

When you know your usual exits you are better equipped to notice and catch yourself and come back into your body. Then you can pay inner attention to unrest, soothe your body, feel the truth of your emotions, and accelerate your personal growth.

#drsandraparker #yieldtovulnerability #harnessvulnerability #sayhellotounrest #tameanxiety #vulnerability #anxiety #mentalhealth #stress #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #authenticity #connection #selfcompassion #compassion #selfawareness #emotion #emotional #mindbody #distractions #numbness #escapism #tuneintounrest #personalgrowth #fightorflight

Life is painful. That is a fact of life. It is “

Life is painful. That is a fact of life. It is “the” fact of life. We all face losses and frustrations and limits to getting what we want. In those vulnerable moments we have our greatest opportunity to grow.

When faced with vulnerability, unrest jolts you to let you know to pay inner attention “right now” to accelerate your growth. But here is the challenge: unrest lights up the same circuitry in the sympathetic nervous system as fear - and you are automatically triggered to move away from what doesn’t feel good. We all have an unconscious reflex to avoid the very moment we most need to come home to grow.

That is not weakness, that is just how we are all wired. But when you understand the true message of unrest, you can choose to approach what you feel. Unrest is your unique and precious call to tune “into” yourself in the moment - to do the opposite of your wiring - and say hello to your inner experience.

Experience avoidance creates suffering. Everything you (and I) do to not feel the truth of our losses and limits creates worry and addiction and disconnection and all the other things that bring folks in to see a psychologist like me.

When you approach your inner experience when unrest signals, you stay present in the discomfort that feels like fear, but is not fear. You stay with your nervous body with warm interest and non-judgment until it settles, so you can open to emotion, and grow.

#drsandraparker #therootofsuffering #suffering #avoiddiscomfort #unrest #unrestleadstogrowth #sympatheticnervoussystem
#vulnerability #mentalhealth #stress #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #doorwaytogrowth

We live in remarkably challenging times. As a twen

We live in remarkably challenging times. As a twenty-first century human, you face fewer immediate threats to life and limb than humans who came before, yet must navigate more psychological and emotional ones. Massive global uncertainties are served to you with your morning coffee as you scan your news feed. The suffering of the whole world is at your fingertips. This undeniable evidence of your limited control over vital things – climate change, war, hunger, human rights violations, pandemics, the rise of totalitarianism – is painful.

It is so hard to see and feel the truth of our limits. When confronted with the pain of vulnerability, we seem to fall into two groups: we struggle with a feeling of urgency and overwhelm and are consumed with worry, or we decide to shut off and “not care”. The first group leans toward anxiety problems, and the second group leans toward apathy and depression.

But when we know how to listen to unrest and soothe our nervous systems with warm attention, we can bear the truth of our limits. We can care without being overwhelmed. We can care and still accept our limits. We can face reality and allow the pain of the world to matter, and we can matter also.

You are needed here in all the pain and beauty of this life. The key to being present is inside you in every moment in your nervous system, in your muscle tension and breath. Unrest is there, calling you home. Unrest calls you to come toward yourself with compassion in the vulnerable truth of being human. You matter. Your vulnerability will allow you to feel that so you can let this world, and life itself, matter.

And there is no more important time than right now for you to matter and to care.

#drsandraparker #vulnerability #embraceunrest #embracevulnerability #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #growth #learning #reflection #selfreflection #selfhelp #abstractthreats #overlyconnected #technology #relationshiptovulnerability #feelintodiscomfort #feelings

As you move through your day today, take a moment

As you move through your day today, take a moment to feel yourself there. To feel yourself “here” and “now”. Tune in to your inner senses. Inhabit the moment in an awareness of your being, not just in your doing.

#drsandraparker #embracingunrest#harnessvulnerability #tameanxiety #sparkgrowth#vulnerability #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #stress#depressed #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful#psychology #resilience #authenticity #connection#intimacy #selfcompassion #compassion #selfawareness#selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment#emotion #emotional #mindbody #mindbodyandsoul#mentalwellness

Hello! I am Dr. Sandra Parker. I am a registered p

Hello! I am Dr. Sandra Parker. I am a registered psychologist.

People usually come to see me about issues with anxiety and depression. We discover during our time together that people tend to move away from the truth inside of them and create stories that stir up worry, anxiety, and despair.

Together, we track the body from moment to moment and notice the signals from the sympathetic nervous system that arise. We get clear on what these signals are trying to say. We learn how to ride these emotions to become unstuck. We work to come home to the aliveness inside of each of us.

Does any of this resonate with you? What is getting in the way of you coming home to your body?

#drsandraparker #vulnerability #hopelessness #pain #discomfort #mentalhealth #stress #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #growth #learning #reflection #selfreflection #selfhelp #embraceunrest #disconnection #turninward #sympatheticnervoussystem #comehometothebody #aliveness

You are vulnerable. The painful fact of life is yo

You are vulnerable. The painful fact of life is you are born with longing and the world is made with limits. You long for things and you have limits to being able to make those things happen. There are so many ways life does not bend to our will, we are confronted by so many things that are painful and hard to accept. And you (and me, and all of us) tend to brace against what that feels like.

And of course we do! Vulnerability feels like unrest in the body, and if we don’t understand the purpose of unrest - to wake us up to an optimal moment for growth - we will have the urge to fight or escape from that discomfort.

Yet your vulnerability is a doorway to the truth of your emotions. It is so beautiful when we notice and turn toward ourselves in the tension and agitation of unrest. We soothe the body and create a space for allowing the flow of truth within.

We need to yield to our vulnerability so we can feel the power of emotion that wants to help us face and adapt to reality. Even when we don’t like reality, we are more healthy when we can face and feel how reality moves us. Then we can connect to our deepest resources. We can bring our compassion, complexity, and grounded inner connection to bear on the challenges in front of us.

#drsandraparker #yieldtovulnerability #harnessvulnerability #sayhellotounrest #tameanxiety #vulnerability #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #stress #vulnerabilityisagift #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #authenticity #connection #selfcompassion #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #despair #hopelessness #youaremorethanyouranxiety #vulnerabilityisaradicalact

We are affected by forces inside and outside of ou

We are affected by forces inside and outside of ourselves. Weather, time, viruses, government, other people, our own DNA, the flow of our emotions… there is an endless list of things that can affect us and influence outcomes that matter to us.

That is challenging for us as human beings who want things to be a certain way. We want to be able to make things happen in our timing, in our way.

Longing and limits are the human condition, and in the gap between what we want and what we can guarantee lies our greatest opportunity for growth. Unrest spikes right in that moment and invites us to come home. We need to learn how to hear and respond to the uncomfortable signal of unrest.

We are meant to be able to make use of that moment to grow into more of who we are meant to be.

#drsandraparker #embracingunrest #harnessvulnerability #tameanxiety #sparkgrowth #vulnerability #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #stress #depressed #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful#psychology #resilience #authenticity #connection#intimacy #selfcompassion #compassion #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #emotional #mindbody #mindbodyandsoul #mentalwellness

Suffering is a term to describe all the things we

Suffering is a term to describe all the things we do to avoid feeling pain. Pain is inevitable in life - life is filled with losses and challenges and limits and frustrations. Pain is the emotional experience of being a human with limits to control. Pain is painful (duh) but it is also time-limited. And pain (as in the pain of emotions) will take you to some place inside yourself that is larger and deeper and truer than where you started.

Suffering is everything you do to not feel pain… all the distractions and avoidance and productivity and mental movies and stories about things that remove you from the immediacy of your inner life. Suffering does not feel as intensely painful as pain, but it has no end to it. It flatlines out through the rest of your life, dampening your joy, hiding your true spark, and blocking your growth.

Unrest is your call to come home at the optimal moment for growth. It signals you with a sharp spike of nervous system activation. If you misunderstand the discomfort of unrest as danger you will be even more inclined to abandon yourself in that moment. But if you understand unrest as your invitation to feel, and if you learn how to pay attention to unrest to soothe it, you can go with the flow of emotion and be carried to new shores of yourself, where you can access deep resources for being more resilient and more fully yourself.

#drsandraparker #embracingunrest# harnessvulnerability #tameanxiety #sparkgrowth #vulnerability #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #stress #depressed #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #authenticity #connection #intimacy #selfcompassion #compassion #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #emotional #mindbody #mindbodyandsoul #mentalwellness

Disconnection is all too present in our daily live

Disconnection is all too present in our daily lives, both from others and with ourselves.

We are wired to disconnect from pain. Pain, including emotional pain, evokes uncomfortable nervous system activation. Even though emotional pain is vulnerable, it is not dangerous. Yet we still brace ourselves, go on alert, and avoid our inner experience.

When we disconnect from vulnerable emotion we miss out on the meaning in our lives, and we miss out on experiencing what matters. Life loses its colour and texture and richness. We must learn to sit with the pain of feelings or we risk forgetting ourselves on the inside.

How do you disconnect from yourself when you cannot get what you want? What do you do to detach when something is not in your control? What do you do to get away from yourself when, even with your best efforts, you realize other factors (outside your control) influence the outcome that matters so much to you?

Any exit you notice is success!! You cannot change something you don’t notice. Once you notice how you disconnect, you have the choice to connect. Come home. Your body misses you.

#drsandraparker #vulnerability #hopelessness #pain #discomfort #mentalhealth #stress #mentalhealthmatters #mindfulness #mindful #psychology #resilience #selfawareness #selfconfidence #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #emotion #growth #learning #reflection #selfreflection #selfhelp #embraceunrest #disconnection #turninward

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