Do you want to become more authentically yourself? Do you want to be more able to cope? Do you want to feel more connected to others? Do you want your life to be more meaningful, purposeful and powerful?
To Have and To Hold is a process that helps people embrace "dissonance", the feeling of vulnerability that is at the core of being human. When we can notice, tolerate and take care of little signals of anxiety in the body, we can better access our strengths and become more of who we are most deeply meant to be.
To Have and To Hold is a way to know when growth is calling and a way to answer that call for maximum growth and power.
To Have and To Hold is paying attention to what it feels like in your body to be you, right here, and right now.
To Have and To Hold is being aware of little sensations of muscle tension and arousal in the body that arise when we are vulnerable. We can use those sensations as signals to steer us toward core emotion and our real self, so that we can grow.
Inside each of us is a powerful tool for transformation. That tool is “dissonance” – it is the felt sense of vulnerability that is at the heart of being human. Dissonance is a call from your body that arises when you are on the cusp of an experience that could grow you. It is your body asking you if you are safe. And you need to answer that call if you are going to grow.
Dissonance is an invitation to bring your warm attention to the body, to assure it that what you are facing is not danger; it is not an immediate threat to life and limb. Vulnerability is simply the truth that there are limits to your personal control over things that matter to you. And vulnerability does not feel good. It feels like dissonance - tension and agitation that is designed to get our attention.
When we are able to notice and recognize dissonance as our call to growth in the body, we can develop the capacity to have and to hold. We can use the discomfort of the felt sense of vulnerability in the body as a doorway to growth. We can stay with ourselves in the discomfort and soothe the body. And in doing so we can grow into our most powerful and authentic selves.
Your Call to Growth: Growth is calling. It is specifically calling You.
Dissonance is your call to growth. Dissonance is little sensations in the body – tension in our shoulders, tightening of the abdomen, clenching of the butt, holding of the breath, tapping of the fingers, feelings of twitchiness, agitation, pressure, tightness in the throat, butterflies in the stomach.
We need to deliberately prize the signal in the body and cultivate the ability to stay with what that vulnerable experience actually feels like.
The challenge is that what it feels like is anxiety. And we are wired to move away from anxiety. We are built to avoid what makes us uncomfortable. So we need to do what does not come naturally in order to grow.
By having and holding dissonance we are able to assure our deeply ingrained survival brain that we are safe enough to grow. In the holding of our vulnerable selves as we are having the experience of anxiety, we offer proof to the body that there is no danger.
We can then reach the flow of our core emotion, the deeper truth beneath the superficial chattering of our busy thinking mind. Carried by waves of core emotion, we are taken to new shores of ourselves. More connected to resources and capacities and choices than before.
To Have and To Hold - The Relationship: This is a love story. With yourself. I invite you to seek out, pay attention to, embrace, and feel your unique call to growth. Holding yourself as you are having the experience of signal anxiety steers you to the treasure of core emotion, your deepest truth, the powerhouse for change, the engine for your growth.