Has anyone seen my missing hour of sleep? We all sprang ahead last week and I'm not feeling so springy (even though holy blooming crocuses, today is Spring!) I lost an hour and I got a little lost.
That lost hour hit me harder than usual and it is a reminder (yet another!) of my human vulnerability - I am not in control of time and I am getting older and all of that feels like something...
I found myself waking up grouchy and ignoring that (and me) this week. No earth shattering catastrophe occured but it took days before I noticed. And in those days I did not give myself the kind of attention that might have supported me. I gritted my teeth and slogged through and got the job done. But my cherry blossom heavens! I missed out on the only thing we cannot get back - moments of my life. There were new angles of sunlight touching the earth and little happy eye crinkles on loved ones' faces and fresh raspberries on my tongue all asking for my presence. But until I came back home to the body I could only have the most passing knowledge of them.
Of course we need to get things done and we do, but we also need to matter as we do. Most of us are capable, at least for awhile, of pushing and shoving ourselves toward our goals. We must adapt to the changing world around us, seasons, people, the economy, the weather, time and aging and all the many forces that touch us and shape the outcomes that we long for. But in all of that we need to matter. Inside ourselves.
Living our biggest life means valuing such little things. As we listen to little sensations in the body we can take care of them. We give the body what it needs so it can give us that which we hunger for. We need to bring our attention inward and care about what is painful or exhiliarating or sad or joyful or unexpected.
I finally tuned in to my body this weekend and really listened to its syrupy slow energy. I got out of the argument ("Do this!" and "I don't want to!!) and got into the conversation with my body. As I breathed my awareness into my skin my body exhaled with gratitude. I took the last couple of days and just did what I felt like from the inside. And I caught up with my sprung-ahead self.
As I practice bouncing back from difficulty and delve for deeper layers of my truth and stretch for connection with others I find that I can get lost in the flow of it all. I need to remember the agenda. I need to remember to come home. I need to listen for my body as it invites me to tune in and take care of its question: Are we safe? And in bringing my attention to what the body feels, I assure the body, it settles, and I matter.
The richness of my life requires my awareness.
May each of us take the time to catch up with ourselves. And matter.
Photo Credit: Sparker