Standing in the truth of who I am.  Trusting that I am enough.  Letting go of the outcome.

This is what I am thinking about as I contemplate having a difficult conversation with someone I care about.  I have the urge to avoid it.  Just smooth things over and go along. 

And what I realize, yet again, is that it is dissonance that calls me.  It is dissonance that could stop me.  It is dissonance that tells me I have a choice right here and now.  Dissonance, the discomfort in my body that speaks of my human vulnerability, makes it hard to do what I want to do. 

I need to speak my truth and let the chips fall where they may.  And although I "know" it is the right thing to do, my body feels uncomfortable.  I am wired, like all humans, to move away from whatever has triggered these feelings.  Yet I (and you) know better.  I need to do the very simple but not easy thing: approach this discomfort.  I need to do the opposite of what comes naturally.   

What I know is my discomfort tells me I am on the cusp of an experience that could grow me.  I am vulnerable.  There are limits to my ultimate control over this outcome that matters to me so much.

My body tells me I am on the verge of a growth opportunity.  It speaks to me in sensations arising out of my sympathetic nervous system.

I know enough to listen.

I slow down and breathe.  I bring my awareness to tension and tightness.  I tune in to the sensations and notice my right hip up and forward, tilting me away from whatever danger is lurking.  I notice that and slow down and find my right shoulder up and forward also, and  the same pattern of tension travels into my neck.  I am ready, it would seem, to run. 

My poor body is simply asking me "Are we safe?"   

I answer, but not in English.  I answer with attention to sensations.  Warm, interested, nonjudgmental.  Slowing down and being with.  Approaching the insides of me - bringing awareness to what would be avoided if this really were danger. 

And after a bit the body softens.  I open up and there is more of me.  A gentler, calmer bigger version of myself than that hunkered down threatened one.  And this self is the one I can bring to the complex task of being fully me and connecting authentically and openly with another.  In all its limitations, it is really all I have. 

We each are invited to make the choice to grow.  Dissonance calls each of us, every day, in big ways and small.  In entering into the felt sense of vulnerability in the body we consciously take charge of our personal growth.  We can actively take advantage of naturally occuring situations to accelerate our development. 

That is real power.  So even though I (still) wish I was omnipotent, that I could make things turn out the way I want them to, I accept that I am only human.  And worth loving nonetheless. 

As are you.  Let yourself matter.  Tune in and be with the felt sense of vulnerabilty in your body.  So you can grow. 

Photo Credit:  ELB Photos