I saw a quote from Olympic figure skating athlete Patrick Chan the other day.  He says "The best competitor is the one who can recover confidently from mistakes.  Getting back into your zone quickly is the key." 

So success isn't about not making mistakes.  It's not about restricting your longing and your reach so that you never feel the disappointment of not getting what you hope for.  It's not about avoiding the pain of failing.  It's not about doing everything to ensure you never feel the discomfort of human vulnerability.  Success is not about preventing loss or getting an iron-clad guarantee that you will never fall down.  Success is not about always having the outcome you had hoped for. 

In fact success is hinged upon the assumption that you won't always get the outcomes you strive for.  Even when you practice and train like an Olympian.  Instead the hallmark of a true achiever is that we reach for our dreams with every fibre of our being, and we expect nonetheless to be left sometimes emptyhanded. 

We need to be looking for those experiences of falling - falling behind, falling off, falling short, falling down, falling back, falling apart even - so that we can quickly recognize what being off course feels like.  Only then can we be familiar with the shock and pain of what it feels like to not have what we dream of, to not be able to singlehandedly make things be as we wish. 

When we are able to experience the discomfort of our vulnerability, to tune in to the feeling of dissonance in the body, we are more able to bounce back.  We are more resilient.  We are not overwhelmed by the feelings of our human limitation.  We aren't thrown off by the fall.  We do not get lost in shame or doubt or criticism.  Falling is as natural as being human, and we benefit from knowing what that feels like.  With that familiarity comes an increased tolerance for our feelings, and an increased capacity to take care of them.   

That is, I believe, what he means by "recover confidently".  Confidence is not in not making the mistake.  It is in how we be with ourselves once the mistake has already been made.  Confidence is knowing that no matter what, we have what it takes to stay with ourselves.  We have the guts to see and hear and know our truth, and be informed and guided and energized by that.  

How do we accompany ourselves as we get back into the "zone"?  Are we warm and interested and nonjudgemental?  Do we come to this moment and this moment only?  Or do we run ahead and worry, or look back and ruminate?   Do we anchor ourselves in the body and care about what we find, not catastrophizing nor dismissing what  is there?   Do we look to see how we fell, and gently guide ourseves back on track?  Do we look to see how we feel, and gently hold ourselves there until the body settles? 

I invite you to continue practicing mattering.  Although it is such a small act in the moment, as we turn to face ourselves in our fallen moments, it is a sport of Olympian proportions.   It is what will allow us to grow into all we are meant to be.  And that is success. 

 Photo Credit:  DB photos